"I just want to tell them that they don't need to make nu, nukl, um bad weapons. They can just bake weaponized muffins. I have blueberry, blackberry..." Ms. Jones yakked away. "She's a mature 12-year old. She's always had a keen sense of purpose" Allison's skankish looking mother told MZuppa. "Once, when she was 11, she wanted to make dynamite made of confetti for suicide bombers." Ms. Keller, her maiden name, was asked if her daughter was a dreaming realist to which she answered "if we can't allow our kids to dream what's left? Nightmares?" The Jones-Keller team intend to take their peace mission to Iran where the maniacal religious authorities will be welcoming her in a pompous and decadent manner usually reserved for Royalty. "It's been a tough 20-odd years for us. No one visits us. When this infidel called we jumped at it," a spokesperson for the Iranian embassy told Moon Zuppa through a Danish translator. "It was funny because the British Royalty called and wanted to be a part of it. They were upset a Yankee was going to be treated with such reverance. Death to America! Thank you." What exactly is the purpose of this trip? "I want to tell Ir-an that if they want to be crazy and start wars they don't need to make weapons that can kill the rest of us who really don't care about Iran. So we are proposing an alternative way to build weapons of minor-scale but delicious fibre destruction." Moon Zuppa tracked down the State Department and asked if they were aware of Allison's diplomatic coup d'etat. "Huh? Wha? Who?" an attach for the President responded. "Damn, that faulty intelligence!" We gave the last word to Ms. Keller and asked her what she will be doing in Iran. "I want to aks them why name the county Iran and not I-run. Get it? Ha!" Only in Vermont. |
