Remarriage is tricky. Actually, marriage of any kind is tricky. To have a healthy marriage or remarriage, you need to develop many skills and have great determination to succeed.
Remarriage, though, has far more challenges than a first marriage. The good news, though, is that if you can get past those challenges, remarriage can be magic!
Here are five ways you can create a magical remarriage.
1. Remarriages often don't work because of all the baggage that the couple brings into the marriage with them. A person who has been divorced usually has more hurt, anger and fear than a person who is getting married for the first time. A person whose spouse has died, has grief and often guilt or anger to contend with. All of this emotion comes into the new marriage right along with the couple.
To have a great remarriage, you need to be aware of the baggage as you go into your new marriage, and you need to accept it. Awareness and acceptance combined have amazing powers to heal. Start with awareness and acceptance, and you can resolve old emotional issues to pave the way for a great remarriage.
2, Second marriages often include children from previous marriages or relationships. These children can cause problems in remarriage, but they don't have to. Although parenting someone else's child can be one of life's biggest challenges, it can be done. And it can also be fun.
The trick is to know ahead of time, before the second marriage, how you're going to handle the logistics of joint parenting with an ex. Include the children in this discussion. Be clear on what everyone's expectations areknow what the stepparent wants and can do, what the parent wants and can do, and what the children want and can do. When you lay out a family plan, you can create a wonderful blended family.
3. Ex spouses can be an obstacle to successful remarriage. If a previous divorce wasn't amiable, an ex-spouses resentment can create all kinds of problems for a second or third marriage. Ex spouses can file lawsuits accusing all kinds of manufactured crimes, they can demand money, and they can poison children with their hatred and anger.
To keep an ex from ruining your second marriage, first, be sure you have the resources to have a good lawyer at your disposal. Second, make sure your new spouse knows what to expect from the ex. Third, do everything possible to diffuse your ex's anger. Don't engage in rehashing of your ended marriage. Avoid engaging in shouting matches with an ex. Allow your ex to feel what he or she feels and simply focus on dealing with whatever issue is at hand; leave old issues where they belongin the past. When you do all of this, you can leave your ex-spouse out of the picture and focus on a great remarriage.
4. To have a wonderful remarriage, you need to keep your focus on THIS marriage, not on past ones. When you've been married before, you have a benchmark of marriage in mind. If the last marriage was awful, that benchmark won't cause much problem.
If your previous marriage was good in any way, however, you might find yourself comparing your new spouse to your old spouse. Don't do this. Telling your new spouse, for example, that he isn't as good in bed as an ex is a surefire way of killing a second marriage. Telling a spouse that he doesn't drive as well, cook as well, think as well, or do anything as well as a previous spouse dooms remarriage to failure.
Don't EVER compare your current spouse to a previous one. In ANY way. In fact, you'll do best if you don't discuss a previous spouse at all unless you mention him or her in passing when sharing a memory of being someplace or doing something. To create a magical remarriage, think only about the remarriage.
Keep these tips in mind, and you can have a happy and successful, perhaps even magical, remarriage. |
